Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
how drunk are you?
Several
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize