So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
