The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
