i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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