dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
