I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
