She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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