Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i drank out of a bidet.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
