Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
