operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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