I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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