in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So apparently I’m into choking now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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