so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
