All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
