i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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