based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
