My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
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someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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