The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
