he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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