that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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