so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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