We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
operation have a gay friend backfired
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
