I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
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