I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID