yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
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I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
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He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand