That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize