one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
