When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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