I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
