She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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