Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
