wrigley field is MILF paradise
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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