i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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