are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
