We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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