mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Im part way to drunk.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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