I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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