i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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