My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
