I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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