I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
