Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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