Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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