mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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