You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
