Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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