just come out here and I will go home with you...
false alarm. still invincible.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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