what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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