the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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