This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
