Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
