Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
