Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
