it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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