So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
