I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
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I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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