No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my liver is dry heaving
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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