doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
