I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
