I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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