If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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