u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
