when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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