shes about as inviting as chlamydia
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize