Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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