Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
