I wanna passion pit in your ass
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize