So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
