You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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